All Too Well (My Version)

 I walked on the track with you

The air was cold

But somethin' 'bout it felt like own somehow

And I, left my scarf there at Civil class

And you've still got it on your table even now

Oh, your sweet disposition

And my wide-eyed gaze

We're acting in the play,

getting lost backstage

Tamarind leaves falling down like pieces into place

And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more

And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all

'Cause there we are again on that little college street

You almost fell face first 'cause you were looking over me

Wind in my hair, I was there

I remember it all too well

Photo album in your phone

Your cheeks were turning red

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a soldier costume

And you are telling stories 'bout your mother and team

You told me 'bout your fam thinking your future was me

And you were tossing me the career keys

"Fuck the Patriarchy"

keychain on the ground

We were always skipping class

And I was thinking on the bike ride any time now

He's gonna say it'll work, you never believed in what it was

'Til we were dead and gone and buried

Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same

After six months in the grave

And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you

But all I felt was shame, and you held my lifeless frame

And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do

And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We're talking on a Video Call in the table lamp light

Down the stairs, I was there

I remember it all too well

And there we are again when nobody had to know

You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath

Sacred prayer, and we'd swear

To remember it all too well, yeah

Well, maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there 

I remember it all too well

And you call me when I'm sick just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being anxious

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

They say, "All's well that ends well" but I'm in a new hell every time

You double-cross my path

You said if we had been closer in religion, maybe it would have been fine

And that made me want to die

The idea you had of me, who was she?

A never-unstable ever, lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you

Not weeping in a park shade

Your friends asking me what happened

You, that's what happened, you

You who charmed my friends with self-effacing jokes

Sipping coffee like you're on a late-night show

But then they watch me watch the front door all day, willing you not to come

And they said, "It's supposed to be fun turning 23"

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

After black shirt days and nights when talked till 5

Now you block me on social media, and tell me it's my fault

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence

And it smells like me

You can't get rid of it

'Cause you remember it all too well

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

And I was always good at telling jokes so the punchline goes

"You flew the city but the Karma works there too"

From when your sharp words broke my skin and bones

I'm a soldier who's returning half her pride

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?

Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?

'Cause in this city's scalding sun, I still remember the first ray of sunshine

And how it sparkled as it pierced

I remember it all too well

Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well?

Just between us, do you remember it all too well?

Just between us, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there

Down the stairs, I was there, I was there

Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there

It was rare, you remember it all too well